I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize