totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
