it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
