She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
