Yo dont text me then not text me
I wish I only lived at night.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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