Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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