You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
