So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize
