But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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