tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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