so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
