forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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