I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
