I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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