from now on my penis is your penis
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
