I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
