Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
