The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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