Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
