Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
