were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize