using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
