is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
