he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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