just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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