you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize