i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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