look no pants
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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