An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
