He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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