Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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