Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
my liver is dry heaving
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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