I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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