dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
