I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
