Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
