sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize