know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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