Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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