this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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