awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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