I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
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