I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize