RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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