I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
