Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
