Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize