I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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