how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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