Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
