What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
