That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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