We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
