Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
