Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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