my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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