he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I got inside last night via doggy door
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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