If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
