Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
How does one acquire holy water?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
