I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
