Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
