Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
