I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
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