Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
