is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize