Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
